it's hard

I still can't understand why I'm still in love with him..

it's beyond pathetic actually to be in love with someone who will not love you back..

I wish it was that easy to get over him and I'll be a lot happier..

I wish you knew how much I love you..

But that might scare you off and the last thing I want is for you to ignore me..

I'm just glad that things are normal between us..

but I still don't know whether it's a good thing for me to continue being your friend when I still love you..

but I don't want to only be your stalker without being able to contact you..

even though it's pointless, I'll just keep on praying that one day we'll be together..

cause that's all I can do..

pray and hoping...

know that I love you so much and nothing can change that..

cause once I fall in love with someone, it will last forever..

that's the kind of person I am..

unrequited love is the worst

it hurts to know he's in love with someone else. He already deleted his entry so I can't know the full story but it really hurts! To know that I;m the only who's in love with him this past 6 years while he was in a relationship with someone else. maybe they got back together..who knows...

I love him...and I really wish with all my heart that he'll return the feelings. but deep down I know it's only wishful thinking. He'll never feel the same way towards me. although I know that, I can't stop myself from loving him nor can I stop myself from wishing the impossible. I really doubt I can love any other person now. I may have a chance if only he's not in love with someone else.

But now I know that he has someone else that he loves and that makes it impossible for him to return my feelings. It really hurts. Nothing hurt worse than loving someone who will never ever love you back. It's lonely and sad. I really really love him....

first week in canada

it was a very long travel to canada. abis lenguh2 badan aku dduk dal am flight.huhu..

but during the journey I can't stop thinking about him! I was really happy that he text me good luck before my flight. I was happy because he didn't use Facebook to wish me but text me instead. it means a lot to me.

I miss him so much! I really can't stop thinking about him when I was in the flight. I sat beside one of my college mate (a guy) and I kept wishing to myself that HE was the one sitting beside me the whole way!! OMG I'm really crazy!!

I'm glad and happy that he still message me through Facebook and even help give me advice when I asked for it. even though he may thought of me as only a friend, but I'm happy that he didn't ignore me. :) And I'm hoping that someday we can be more that just friends.

I'm still house hunting here and hopefully I'll be able to snag a house as soon as possible.it's not really comfortable sharing a room with someone else. I don't have any privacy at all. -_-'

The people here are quite nice. They help me out when I was lost yesterday. And the malaysian students here are quite nice as well as they help me out when I need them. thanks a to guys!!! :)

it hurts

god it really really hurts...I can't stop thinking about him. And the worst thing is knowing that he'll never ever love me back. I'm already tired of asking myself 'why him?'

it really hurts and I don't even know how to express myself to friends cause I don't have words to describe what I'm feeling fight now.

FOR THE LAST TIME, GET OVER HIM ALREADY!!

I wish it was that simple. I confessed to him last night and like I expected, he rejected me. It really hurts..he said that love isn't only a feeling but also a decision..
how I wish that was true cause I have decided so many times already in the past 6 years that I AM not in love with him but look at me! I still love him and I have no idea why.

I mean it's not like I really kept in touch with him these past few years. At one point I even decided that I'm actually over him only to be proven wrong when I met him again last week. I actually jumped when he showed up because I was so surprised to see him and my hand started to get cold and clammy. That was proof enough that I never actually got over him. As if that wasn't enough, my heart almost jumped out of mouth when I bumped into him at klcc. I was depressed and disappointed to know that I really truly do love him.

It makes me wonder whether I'll be able to get over him. I had 6 years to move on but still I find myself thinking of him. I don't know anymore. Will I be able to love someone else? I doubt that but I have to try because how long must I long for him? I'm relieved when he said that he won't ignore me like he did before but my heart ache when I think about him. Maybe it's time I ignore him but what good will that do to me?

I've had crushes on countless guys these past 6 years but they're only crushes. Nothing more than that cause my heart was already taken by him. And I don't know how to stop loving him and love someone else. I don't even know WHY I love him after all that's happen...someone please help me...I don't wanna feel anything if it means that I won't get hurt..I don't wanna love again if it means I won't know the feeling of rejection.

I don't want anyone else other than him...but I have to act normal around him and everyone else so that they won't guess how much this hurts me and how much I actually love him..
maybe they're right that there is someone else out there for me but I wonder if I'll be able to truly love that someone else when there is no space in my heart to love any other guy other than him...

....

i felt suicidal at the moment. i really feel like dying. then maybe everything will be alright

DUN CARE!!!!!!!!!!!

juz stay out of my life will ya????!!!!!

u never cared about me before..u never put ur nose into my business before..

so then why the fuck are u blaming me for???

slame ni xpenah nk amek taw hal aku then rite nw nk merajuk la plak

ape kes huh????

igt aku ni ape????

patung????tunggul????

u guys are fucking selfish!!!!!!!

u should have seen this cuming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

sure, i know that ade hikmah sebalik sume ni.ade hikmah aku dduk kt kmn but then u guys dun have the right to blame me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u guys never asked hw i've been.aku taw and aku sedar aku ni mmg degil n i know berdosa aku wat keras hati but im jz a human for god sake!!!!!!!!!!!!1

juz leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if before u guys never seek me out,why now???

u blame me for everything and think that i'm the only one at fault!!!!!!!!!

ape ingat aku xde feeling ke hah???????///

FINE THEN!!!! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!

JUZ LEAVE ME BE!!!!!!!!!XYAH LA NK MERAJUK2.NGADE2 BTL!!!!!!!!

ley jd gler aku camni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dun care and i dun wanna care!!!!!!!!